The Hidden Work: Understanding the Invisible Labor of Motherhood

Why Does It Matter If Invisible Labor is Inequally Distributed?

When invisible labor falls disproportionately on one parent, it can lead to significant stress, burnout, and resentment. Erica Djossa, a psychotherapist specializing in maternal mental health, highlights that invisible labor contributes to feelings of overwhelm in mothers, leading to increased rates of anxiety and depression. Read more in her book, Releasing the Mother Load, awarded the Child Psychology Award for Literary Excellence.

Inequitable division also affects relationships and family dynamics. Studies published in the Journal of Marriage and Family show that when one partner consistently takes on more household and childcare responsibilities, it can lead to resentment, conflict and marital dissatisfaction. Furthermore, unequal distribution sets an example for children, perpetuating gender-based labor inequalities across generations.

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This imbalance is often perpetuated by the belief that women are naturally better at multitasking, child-rearing, and managing social-emotional tasks. These stereotypes, while pervasive, lack scientific backing. These ideas place an unfair expectation on women to shoulder these responsibilities. Many men opt out of these tasks, consciously or unconsciously, by subscribing to these narratives, leading to an inequitable distribution of labor that can strain relationships and family dynamics.

Dr. Thomas Phelan reminds us, “Parenting is a team sport—the goal is to make the invisible visible and share the load.”

How Parents Divide Household and Childcare Responsibilities

The research underscores a persistent gender gap in the division of household and childcare tasks between mothers and fathers:

• Better Life Lab reports that during the COVID-19 pandemic, mothers took on an even greater share of household and childcare responsibilities compared to fathers, often sacrificing their own careers.
• According to a 2022 Pew Research Center study, 59% of mothers report being the primary manager of their children’s schedules, compared to 21% of fathers.
• A study in Demographic Research found that even in households where both parents work full-time, women perform 65% of childcare tasks.

These disparities remain consistent across income levels and education backgrounds, highlighting the pervasive nature of gendered labor expectations.

Invisible Labor in Single-Gender Households and Other Cultures

Invisible labor is not limited to heterosexual relationships. In single-gender homes, responsibilities are often more equitably distributed, as partners are less likely to assume traditional gender roles. A study in Gender & Society found that LGBTQ+ parents tend to discuss and negotiate household labor more openly, leading to fairer divisions.

In other cultures, the division of invisible labor varies widely. For example, Scandinavian countries like Sweden prioritize gender equity through policies such as paid parental leave for both parents, which has led to more balanced household dynamics. Conversely, in cultures where traditional gender roles are deeply ingrained, such as in parts of South Asia, women often bear the majority of domestic responsibilities, even when employed outside the home (International Journal of Sociology of the Family).

Simple Action Steps to Help Distribute Invisible Labor

1. Acknowledge the Work: Partners should recognize and validate the invisible labor being performed. Open conversations can help highlight tasks that might otherwise go unnoticed.
2. Create a Task Inventory: List all household and childcare tasks, including planning and emotional labor, and divide them equitably based on availability and preferences.
3. Schedule Check-Ins: Regularly discuss the division of responsibilities and adjust as needed. This is particularly important during life transitions like the birth of a child or a career change.
4. Use Tools and Resources: Apps like Cozi or Google Calendar can help streamline task management and ensure both parents are equally involved in planning.
5. Leverage External Support: Outsource tasks when possible, such as hiring cleaning services or relying on extended family for childcare.
6. Model Equity for Children: Share responsibilities visibly so children see both parents engaged in household and emotional labor, breaking the cycle of unequal expectations.

By understanding the weight of invisible labor and taking actionable steps to address it, families can foster stronger relationships, better mental health, and a more balanced home life. As Dr. Thomas Phelan reminds us, “Parenting is a team sport—the goal is to make the invisible visible and share the load.”

Find more great local resources and advice for parents in Marc Boston’s popular column, Parenting Paradoxes: navigating middle school, how to raise a a kid who is kind, and the importance of self-directed play.